How to nurture Positive Emotional Development in child

What is emotional development?

All humans have emotions. We are born with that. These emotions are part of us. Some of us are driven by emotion more than others.

While we all have emotions, the handling & expression of emotion is all together a different thing. We learn them from our elders, peers, our environment.

Handling and expressing emotion depends on our emotional development. So you can say that learning how to deal with emotions and how to express them is emotional development.

Why positive emotional development is necessary?

When people think about child development, they mostly focus on intelligence, studies, the values, getting fit into social setup etc. And we mostly miss the emotional development part.

The reason people miss the emotional development because mostly they don't know how it impacts the child. They don't know emotional development can be managed like other areas of development. Basically most people don't know anything about it.

positive emotional development is necessary because as I have already mentioned we all have emotions and we there is expression of emotions. When emotions takes over us then our thinking, behavior goes in auto pilot mode which is beyond our control.

So if somebody is trained to handle the emotions positively and stay calm will be able to express and channelize the emotions in a positive way. If some one is not trained which is the case mostly then their expression will be negative and may be cause harm to them or others.

For example anger is a natural emotion. But some people can control it and some can't. Now think about a situation, you have given a task to your child to be completed before you return from your work, But your child does not complete it in time.

What will happen when you get to know this? Most people will become angry, which is natural. But what will differ is reaction of people. People who are impulsive will surely shout at their child. People who are trained to control their impulse will handle it more calmly.

So how you want your child to grow up? Impulsive or stable?

The importance of positive emotional development lies in the answer of this question.

What impacts a child's emotions and emotional development?

A child is born with emotions. But two things about emotions are impacted by the environment.

The expression of a particular emotion and which emotion becomes more dominant. For example if a child is abused of dominated more than fear will be nurtured more and will become dominant eventually.

So the environment has large impact on the emotional development of child. The factors of the environment includes the following.

1. Behavior of  family members with child

2. How parents handle their emotions

3. Behavior of teacher's with child

4. Expression of emotions by other children

5. Behavior of child and its consequences

6. Child abuse or disturbed childhood

These are some factors which silently impacts the emotional development of children. These silent factors impacts more than what we teach them. So the elders who interact with child on daily basis needs to take care of these factors more than what they teach the child how to behave or express the emotions.

How the factors impact positive emotional development in children?

Before I dive into details of how's you must note that point number 1,2 and 5 are most important as frequency of these is more than the others. Point no 6 is most impactful on child and can trigger disorders in long term, but this is less frequent.

Its a fact that child learns more from what we do to them or with others rather than what we teach them. This is applicable for emotional development also.

There are majorly three different ways people behave with children. Either the parents are dominant, lenient and casual or balance it out.

When the parents are more dominant and the child is not able to express their views or problems or emotions then children tend to loose their confidence and self esteem. Fear becomes more dominant than any other emotion. 

These type of children will be less confident to express themselves, won't be able to take decisions and may be get dominated by others in peer group and society.

There may be cases where child genetically carries a dominant personality trait then the child may become rebellion.

If the parents are more lenient and casual, then child will start taking things for granted. They will be more dominant in the family and can manipulate others. They will become more self centered and will only care for themselves. 

Because of this self centered nature they will not be able to handle the failures or rejections and the reaction may be harmful for others of themselves.

How parents control their emotions in different situations also makes the child learn to handle emotions. 

For example if any one of the parents or both can not control impulse while he/she is angry then the child will also learn that. Their expression of anger will most likely be the same as it seems to them that this is very normal to express anger like that.

Similarly if any one or  both parents are afraid of facing some situation or any other type of feeling like jealousy and the child is more influenced by that parent, then they may silently transfer their fear or jealousy to the child if these feelings are more visible in front of the child.

The emotional development may also be impacted by the behavior of other person with the child is in connection like teachers, friends or any other person. Behavior of these person may trigger happiness, fear or any other emotion depending upon the child's experience.

Continued exposure to the same situation will make the emotion dominant in similar setup. This may not be a general dominant emotion but can be in similar setup.

For example if the child is bullied by friends more often and their is no way child is able express his/her feeling and does not get any support then he/she may get afraid of friends and in the long run may not be able get along with peers well or may not make good friends.

How to nurture positive emotional development?

When handling child, it is very much necessary to take a balanced approach. You give the freedom to child within a set boundary. Let the the child roam freely without any intervention  within this. The child takes decisions on its own is responsible for those decisions.

So as a parent what you need to do is to discuss with the child and set the boundary. You se the rules after discussing with child and let him/her know the responsibilities and about the freedom. But be strict to maintain the rules every time.

This thing you can apply to take care of any of the child's needs. For example if you want your child to study and your child wants to watch tv then sit and discuss the matter. Let the child watch tv on the condition that he/she needs to finish the study first. 

And also set the rules like the watch time and what he/she is not allowed to watch. And then give the freedom to the child and don't interfere. But be strict on maintaining rules. 

Now you have shifted the ownership to the child for the consequences. So he/she needs to finish task and maintain rules in order to get what he/she wants. 

This balance approach does not create any negative impact on child like triggering of anger or sadness or fear. The child gets to do what he/she wants by following rules and  becomes responsible for own happiness.

The behavior of people outside your home is not in your hands, you can not control them. But you can always prepare your child to face them and support them in any type of need. Talk to your child daily and find out what is happening in his/her life. 

Give them confidence by telling different stories, your life story as well where you handled difficult situations. Regular positive communication is key and the best way to nurture positive emotional development.

Here one very important point I will like to mention which often parents ignore. Please listen to your child if he/she wants to express something which is making him/her uncomfortable. Parents many times ignore them because of various biases they have. 

But please don't do this. Your child may need your help and you may be overlooking it. Also  if there is any change in normal behavior of your child never ignore it. Please take note of it and talk to your child. It is a sign that parents must dig further and find out what's going on.

For abused child or child having disturbed childhood often parents or very close person of the child is the reason behind it. If the parents are the cause then some external help can only save the child. And if any other close person is the cause of it then again parent must listen to the child seriously to bring the child out of this situation.

So it is not very difficult to raise a emotionally stable child, your little effort can nurture positive emotional development in child which will help them to face the world much more confidently.

Please share your feedback in the comments section and share it if you like this post.