Parenting Teenagers

 

It feels very good to see children grow big. People find children cute at early age. As they grow older and reaches late childhood their behavior, thinking, habits change a lot. It may be as per parents expectation and may be not.

Whatever may be the situation the reality is that things change fast as children grow. And when children reach teenage  things may turn to increase parents concern. Sometimes the concerns can  become cause of  worry and tension. 

Teenage Parenting

Life is a journey and teenage is a period in life where things change drastically. Children are no more children neither they are fully matured. To help children pass it smoothly parents must understand every aspect of it. The following points should be the major focus points of parents of teenagers. They must learn how to handle these.

1. Changes in habits of teenagers

2. Teenagers Interests

3. Behavior of teenager

4. Study & career

5. Peer group

Changes in Habits of Teenager

Biologically teenage is age of change. A lot of hormonal change goes in body which changes the physical features as well as mental growth. At this age they are not children any more. They want to explore new things which attract them. They want to know about many things which goes on around them. They also starts to know about sexuality and become curious about it.

As a parent you must understand these are absolutely normal. Everybody goes through this phase. So its better to expect that their will be change in habits.  Habits develop as per interests. 

For example many  children get attracted to the easily accessible contents in you tube and spent more time watching you tube. Some children goes a step further. They may become motivated to create contents for social media.

There may be other changes in habits at teenage. Parents needs to understand that children do these as per their interest and if you like it or not it will grow. You need to take a note if any habit is harmful in nature or not. 

You need to handle harmful habits of teenager and non harmful habits in different ways. If any habit of your teenage child is not harmful you just need to moderate it so that studies and other essential things don't get hampered.

Make children responsible by assigning self care tasks. Self care includes taking care of self and their belongings. If it is already in place, just make sure it continues. But if you need to develop it then get involved with them to help them build habit. Don't just instruct them otherwise a situation of confrontation may arise.

Selfcare habits at teenage will help them in future when they have to face the world alone without you being there to take care of them.

If some harmful habits develops then you should talk to your child. Try and understand their version. Let them talk and listen carefully. If there is lack of information then provide them proper information. One thing you must take care of, don't impose anything on them other than any thing is concerned with their safety. Everything else should be done by talking with them.

Changes in Teenager Interests

At this age the teenager interest areas change. New interest areas develop. So as a parent you need to know what are the new interest areas of your teenage child. Why your child like it and what he/she likes about it. This will help you to understand your child better. 

You can push them further in their interest areas if they are really good at it. For example if someone get interested to any sports or acting or anything like this you can try and understand their potential and if they are really good you should encourage them.

These new teenager interest areas can also help them choosing their career or a hobby. You also need to see if the newly developed interests are potential danger or not. For example any interest in illegal activities or risky activities must taken care immediately when you get to know them.

But it must be dealt keeping the temperament of teenage child. If the child is more aggressive and rebel type then you must discuss and show him/her the scenarios and let them take ownership of consequences. You must try that conflicting situation does not arise.

But if things does not work this way then you can apply controlled restrictions. If your teenage child is more obedient then you can instruct them what to do but with proper information why you are restricting them.

So keeping an eye on teenage interests is must and you must act according to the interest area.

Behavior of Teenager

As a parent you must be noticing the behavior of your teenage child is no more the same as it used to be. They don't like much restrictions and want to do things in their own way. So they get irritated or loose temper very easily. Its a very common thing. 

Also they may do things hiding from you. You may get surprised to know many things about your teenage child. So your communication process is very important. You must communicate with them in a way to build their decision making ability.

It means that you make them learn different aspects of how to take decisions like getting proper information, analyzing the information & source of information and then try to understand the impact of that decision on their life. Let them learn to take informed decisions than taking impulsive decisions.

This does not mean you give them complete freedom. You must develop a clear understanding which areas are non negotiable and you will be in control all time and which are the areas they can get freedom.

 For example I have very clearly communicated to my daughter before teenage that her safety is non negotiable and whenever any decision has to be taken where safety is a concern my decision will be final. 

I have not imposed it but have made her understand by letting her know the different incidents that happen around us and about potential dangers. So its an mutually agreed point. You can also do the same in non negotiable areas.

Hiding of information is also another area of change in  behavior of teenagers. Now they develop different kinds of secrets and hide them from parents. It can be a real cause of concern if you don't keep a close eye on your child and have blind faith on them.

Having faith in your teenage child is good but being informed is better. The information is not for interfering in their everyday issues. But is it for understanding if things are on right track or not. And if not then you can act immediately without wasting time. 

So give them freedom but stay informed about them. Build confidence in them that you understand teenage issues and they can trust you to share their problems however small it may be. After all this trust is the key to the relationship.

Act early in the proper direction perhaps before your child attains teenage so that the don't develop a rebellion mindset and behavior. This is not really difficult. You just need to understand that you need to give them some freedom and make a balance between freedom and control.

While you give them freedom try to make them responsible so that they can take ownership of any decision they take. Remember out job is to make them responsible person who can take informed decisions and stays confident all time rather than deciding things for them.

Study & Career

The teenage is very crucial in terms of changes in interest in studies. Many children loose focus and becomes poor in studies while many who were not so good in studies suddenly develop focus and become good students. I have seen plenty students doing this. So it very important that teenagers stay focused in studies and develop career goals.

As a parent you must act before your child attains the teenage to find out career goal. This goal will change with time no doubt but at least they  will develop the mindset that choosing a right career is very important in life. And for it study is important.

In many countries students are not aware of their proper career goal which make them feel lost and fall behind in competition. And finally they choose higher streams based on job prospects rather than their interest areas.

So its very important as a parent that you must try to develop a career oriented mindset in your child so that they can choose right subjects as per their interests and abilities rather than the job prospect. Its better to be the best in less prospect area than being mediocre in more prospective area.

Having focus on career will automatically eliminate many of your worries as your teenage child will become self focused and will better understand priorities. So work on this area as early as possible. But remember this is not one time affair rather an ongoing effort is needed.

Peer Pressure

Teenage is that age where social acceptance is very important for every child. This is a critical part. Teenagers develop peer groups as per their interests. And the good or bad news is that this peer group has maximum influence on them at this age even more than the parents.

Many children can go to extreme extent in the peer pressure. So it is very important to make them learn how to handle peer pressure and choosing right kind of friends. This needs continuous communication so that you get to know what is going around them and guide them accordingly. You must also know all the friends of your teenage child specially those who influence your child most.

All things may stay normal and there may not be any cause of concerns. But you must be having proper information and understanding your child is very important. So in order to make them ready to handle peer pressure you must make them aware what they are going to face and possible challenges and ways to handle it.

Your effort on helping them to develop decision making ability will help them to take proper decisions and not to be impulsive. Also give them the confidence to talk to you or any person of  your trust  in case they face any difficult situation. Getting afraid to take help may become fatal in serious situations where children are competent to handle the situation. 

Overall teenage is different for both children and parents. But its not difficult. In fact most  children pass through it without much of a problem. But with changing times teenage problems are changing. So parents must adopt proper method in parenting teenagers.